African Chairs

After our ride from Ukunda today, I decided to let you all in on a little game we get to play everyday. It’s so fun to be a kid again and I thought hey my American friends would love this. Sorry it is so long- it needs some editing but Sam wanted to talk about it in his blog so it had to go up.

Set-up

1.Get a van. Preferably a 1980s-1990s Toyota 15-passenger van. Make sure it has 4 rows of seats and add another one. Perhaps a bench in the back that looks like it has 3 separate seats.

2.Find a friend that loves to drive. You may not love the way they drive, but make sure that they exaggerate every turn and lane change so that everyone in the car has to hold on for dear life.

3. Find another friend that loves to hassle people - someone who is very convincing and likes to push people around. Even someone who looks to organize people. They will be your “conductor”.

4. Make sure that the speedometer ,odometer, and gas gauge don’t work. It makes it more fun if the driver has to guess if they need to get gas.

5. Pick a very 90s or early 2000 rap selection full of those whiny rap love songs and “riding dirty” type songs.

6. Pick a time limit for the driver. If they beat the time limit, they win. If they don’t, they lose. All of your friends are there to keep the driver and conductor from winning.

7. No one in the van is allowed to wear deodorant. We call this African BO.

8. No air conditioning and all the windows open - That way people can’t talk to each other to conspire against the driver.

How to Play

At the beginning of the game, the driver and the conductor are sent off in the van to pick up friends. The friends need to be waiting in front of their house ready to go because this friend of yours, the driver, can’t wait. The conductor hangs his or her head out of the window and whistles, hisses, or yells to alert riders that they are coming. Make sure that new riders don’t climb all the way into the back. That would be too easy. They need to sit in the first available seat they see, even if it is the one next to the door. The driver should pick a route full of bikers, people walking, pot holes, and big puddles. Maybe a bike trail? Remember the more off-roading the driver can do the better.

Once your van is full, the game can officially begin. When a person would like to play, they just knock their knuckle against the metal side of the van. This indicates that they would like to get out of the van. Now everyone has to scramble to move out of the way because the driver is in a hurry to beat the clock. Some people will be in the way and will make people climb over them. If you are the driver, just start honking or driving. It makes people move faster. If you are a passenger, try to take as much time as possible. The driver wants to be able to pick up as may people as you can because each person is worth 5 points (15 shillings). So make sure you fill each seat.

The Real Deal

If you feel like you have mastered this game, think again. Add a few of these fun little numbers, but don’t add them all at once.

1. Don’t attach the bench in the backseat and get a van that doesn’t have a working back door. This way, when the back back seat passengers go over a bump, the back window opens up. It scares them a little bit and makes them more compliant.
2. There is no limit on the number of people in the van. Squish people in wherever you can. They can sit where there is no seat or stand in the door well. Or both.
3. Add children. Lots of little children. In our game, we’ve seen 3 children sitting in the same seat. They are great for points because they take practically no space.
4. Talk to your friends. Get more vans and compete for the same friends. Make sure your conductor is the loudest and most obnoxious person you know-that’s how you will get the most passengers.
5. Have your friends bring sacks of whatever they can think of. Even gunny sacks full of produce anywhere you can fit them. When we play, passengers often have to put their feet on the gunny sacks or sit with a bag of coconuts.
6. Strap a mattress to the back
7. Play at night. But get black lights. Makes it livelier.
8. Stickers. Lots of stickers bought from a street vendor that doesn’t know how to spell.
9. Extra points for creative driving. Decide ahead of time how to award not crazy but “smart” driving. Use sidewalks, pass on the wrong side of the road, or cut people off.
10. The conductor can win points for the driver too. Points for lying about where the driver is going, where the stops are, and whether or not they will make the stops.
11. Points for dodging urban livestock or whatever obstacles are common in your town
12. The van should not have shocks or a padded ceiling. Passengers are more compliant if they are constantly smacking their head into the metal ceiling.
13. If there is a rear view window, hang some sort of religious manuscript or photo.
14. Lastly, find people with cameras. They will be classified as “tourists.” Tourists are like catching the golden snitch in Quidditch. They don’t know where they are going and you can easily convince them that the rough conditions are normal. Why would they know the difference.

Don’t worry, if you can’t get a van (the biggest expense of the game) my Mom has one.